DeVos Says “Deep State” Exists in Nation’s Schools And Kindergarten Teachers Are To Blame – Satire

DeVos warns of Deep State
Betsy DeVos warns about the Deep State. Photo by Michael Vadon https://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/32958702862

WASHINGTON DC – Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos warned the nation today to look out for Kindergarten teachers who may be leading a “Deep State” movement within the school system. “Kids used to be taught with Dick and Jane books and square wooden blocks,” DeVos said. “Now we are seeing Harry Potter books by the resistance-loving J.K. Rowling and plastic Legos from socialist Denmark.”

Loyalty Oath May Be Required For Kindergarten Teachers

A spokesperson for the United States Department of Education said that Kindergarten teachers may appear pleasant and smiley all the time but that was a facade. “They set the tone for the whole school. A child’s education begins in these teachers classes and often times that is where the idea of resistance first takes hold. To ensure the safety for future generations, Secretary DeVos plans to make Kindergarten teachers take an oath of loyalty to the United States, to their community, and to law and order.”

NSA Resources Diverted to Monitor Kindergarten Teacher “Deep State” Activity

A source inside the NSA confirmed to American Buffoons that resources would be used to monitor the nation’s teachers. “If a teacher surfs the web, or uses social media to further the Deep State’s cause we need to know about it. If a teacher uses web resources to instruct their students in Trump-resistance propaganda, that would be a violation of their loyalty oath. That’s the type of activity we will be monitoring. Rest assured the nation’s future will be brighter without kids that are under the influence of these so-called ‘friendly’ kindergarten teachers.”