HOLLYWOOD, CA – Research into President Trumps twitter attacks on Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski has raised the possibility that Trump has had cosmetic surgery and a lobotomy. A Vanity Fair article lays out a convincing case that Trump has had plastic surgery. American Buffoons has heard from a fairly unreliable source that a plastic surgeon who may have operated on Trump is now in jail for performing lobotomies on unsuspecting patients.
Trump Could be First President to Have Received a Lobotomy
Has President Trump received a lobotomy? According to Effects of Lobotomies from Intropsych.com, lobotomy patients behavior is, “uninhibited and euphoric and they were somewhat restless with a purposeless type of activity. Lobotomy patients were said to act stimulus-bound. They reacted to whatever was in front of them and did not respond to imaginary situations, rules, or plans for the future. Many of the patients became fat. Some of the patients grew sexually promiscuous; they pursued immediate gratification without regard for consequences. Few of the lobotomy patients could plan effectively for the future or sustain goal-oriented activities.”
It’s obvious to most psychologists and the public at large that President’s Trumps actions and behaviors are consistent to those of people who have received a lobotomy.
A Lobotomized President: Implications for Global and Domestic Policy
Sentiment was nearly universal among members of Congress, both Republican and Democratic, that due to these revelations President Trump would need to be handled very carefully. “I think it’s a great day for people with Lobotomies. In America anybody can become president. That’s what makes us great,” a republican Senator said. “I’m nervous, and my constituents are nervous, too,” a Democratic representative from Hawaii said. “We have to keep distracting him with Fried Chicken, Golf, and reruns of the Apprentice. All of America has to be committed to keeping President Trump from talking to world leaders or influencing any policies whatsoever, global or domestic. That’s our only choice for Democracy and the United States to survive the next four years.”