Mitch McConnell Finds Empty Wheelchairs Outside His Office, Sells Them To Russian Scrap Dealer. Satire

WASHINGTON DC – Mitch McConnell was mystified why disabled protestors, dragged off and arrested by Capitol Police, did not return for their wheelchairs. “Finders Keepers,” McConnell said. “They had plenty of time to come back and claim them. They must have others, right?” Sources said McConnel promptly sold the wheelchairs to a Russian scrap dealer who donates heavily to the Republican Party.

Boom in Wheelchair Scrap Business Expected Under Republican Plan

The Russian scrap dealer expects there to be a boom in the empty wheelchair business as more disabled people are arrested and more die because of the Republican Health Care Plan. “I think they will be hauling disabled and sick people off left and right, both to jail and to the morgue,” the Russian said. “Good for us and good for Mitch.”