Trump to Sell U.S. Air Traffic Control to Bob Marley’s Son and High Times Magazine. Satire

Kingston, Jamaica – Damian Marley, son of legendary Bob Marley, announced today that he and High Times Magazine, of which he is part owner, would be purchasing the United States Air Traffic Control System. “We are happy President Trump is selling off United States assets so cheaply that we could add U.S. air traffic to our portfolio. High Times and high planes go hand in hand,” Marley said. “Is this love? I don’t know, but we are gonna Stir it Up.”

Marley Says Smoking to Return to U.S. Flights

“It’s all One Love,” Marley said. “Everyone can smoke, whatever you want.”

A spokesperson for the Trump administration said that privatization of the government was a top priority and the free market would be able to provide better service than the federal government.

“Irie to that,” a ganga smoking passenger on Jet Blue said.

High Times Magazine Complimentary at Every Seat

High Times Magazine said they would be placing a complimentary magazine in every U.S. airplane passenger seat. “Plenty of Jamming stuff in there. Good for all America,” a High Times spokesperson said.

We at American Buffoons look forward to the frontier of American air travel led by High Times and wonder what could be next. “We feel our expertise could be applied to many industries now controlled by the government,” the spokesperson said. “High Times is now looking into purchasing NASA, Homeland Security, and the CIA.”

Devos Could Sell Department of Education

American Buffoons has learned that the real crown jewel could be the Department of Education. Betsy Devos favors privatized education, but would she approve of selling the department to High Times? “No worries,” an aide to Devos said. “Ms. Devos has no qualms about kids getting high. As long as the kids pass and the government raises some cash, Devos will be happy.”