Trump and Rand Paul Golf, Reach Deal on Hair Care Plan

Satire

STERLING, VA – President Trump and Rand Paul played a round of golf at the Trump National Golf Club and have reached agreement on a national hair care plan. “The love and strength in the Republican Party have really blossomed with this hair care plan,” Trump gloated. “It’s a huge men’s issue,” Trump went on to say. “This plan will benefit American men, who are the ones that need hair care help the most. American men need more style, like me and Rand, to do well in business, especially in Europe and most developed countries where men have better hair care.”

Rich and Poor Men Alike Will Now Have Access to Premier Hair Care

Rand Paul said poor men who have had to cut their hair like he does will now be able to receive hair treatments like Trump and other billionaires. “It levels the playing field,” Rand said. “Like most of my constituents, I can’t wait to get a new hairstyle. I feel better already just thinking about smoothing out my hair.”

Democrats and Women’s Groups Complain Plan Will Glorify Trump

“This country will suffer greatly if all our men try to have hair like Trump,” Nancy Pelosi said. “Trump’s hair is a travesty. It’s misogynistic, egotistical, and frankly offensive to liberated women everywhere.” Women’s groups around the country echoed Pelosi’s concerns. Many feared for their safety if an epidemic of Trump-like hair for men swept the nation. Deborah from Lincoln, Nebraska said, “I, like most women who can see the evil in Donald Trump, vehemently oppose a hair care plan that will enable our men to emulate him in any way.”

Despite the criticism, it appeared the republicans had the votes to pass a Trump/Paul hair care plan through the house. It remained to be seen how the plan would do in the Senate, where more members are balding and seemed less sympathetic to the common man’s worries about hairstyles.